I thought when one gets married they can move on to the other side of the Altar and then not be horrified with the things that go on in life. But no, horror is part and parcel of life and it is indeed a wonderful thing to watch horror movies

Go on and Enjoy some of the best horror movies to be ever made.

It is time to be horrified

It is that time of the year when you get to stuff your face with sweets. Anyways here is to not wishing you a Great Diwali!!! Why?Am I freakin’ out of my mind? No No. As I say there is so much confusion about Diwali. See there are so many stories behind it. Here is the most ridiculous one I heard.

There was a Asura (Demon) known as Mahasura. He was a real wicked Dude living in the mountains. Eating shit loads of stuff. He was a terror in the neighbouring villages. So the villagers headed by our Panchayat chief (Nattammai Vijaykumar) signed a treaty called The Mahasura Treaty. Find the conditions of the Treaty below

The Mahasura Treaty

1. The villagers will send a chauffeur driven bullock cart with three Massive Balls of Rice to the Mountains.

2. In Return I Mahasura will not come to the village and eat random people.

Sd/-

Mahasura a.k.a The Wicked Dude

Nattammai Vijayakumar

So the villagers (under the explicit orders of Nattammai Vijayakumar) started sending a chauffer driven bullock cart with three massive food Balls everyday. As the Days went by they could see a new peak in the moutain range. It was the bones of the bullocks and the chauffeurs which was piling up along with all the shitting going on.

So one day Mr Bhima (Not to be confused with Bhim Boy from Michael Madana Kama Rajan, though he did play Bhima in the Mahabharatha Serial) who was in exile with his family members (i.e 4 brothers, one mother and the common wife) found out that Nattammai Vijayakumar is hand in glove with Mahasura. So he kills the Nattammai, and tells the villagers that he will be the chauffeur this time. His Mom asks him not to go. He does not care. The Common Wife pleads, cries and begs him not to go as none of the other brothers are as good as him in bed. (Yudhishtar can’t fantasize because that’s living a lie, Arjun is always aiming for the spot but he is only good with arrows, Nakul and Sahadev are really losers and can’t do much.)

But being the hero he is Bhima goes with the cart. and once he reaches the asura’s cave he realizes that he is very hungry. So he starts gobbling the massive food balls. But while he is eating the third food ball Mahasura wakes up and stands on top of the mountains and sees him food being eaten by some Mahmud Ali Look alike.

There is a huge fight, but each time Bhima tears Mahasura’s body apart he says some magic and the halves join together.

Bhima may have been good in bed

But bleddy no brain in his head.

Once out of frustration he throws the halves in opposite directions. Now body halves got confused and could not join. So Mahasura died and to celebrate his death we eat all those sweets!!! Well this is something I heard from a very unreliable source but he argued till the end that this is the real deal.

Yeah I have never heard this story being connected to Diwali. But Diwali is supposed to be celebrated on a New Moon Day(Night when the moon can’t be seen, namma moon samy can see it though) Why is it celebrated on the previous day in TamilNadu?

After winnig the war in Sri Lanka Rama boarded the special BJP jet plane from Colombo but as the flight was passing the Arignar Anna International Airport it developed some technical snag (Flights were free gifts to the party by Air Deccan) and had to land in Chennai better known as Madras then Rama and his team were made to stay at The GRT Raddisson and the people of TamilNadu heard of the dark dude and the fair lady and visited him there. The Sivakasi Firecracker Manufacturers Association(clever people that they are) told the Tamil People that bursting crackers was how a hero has to be welcomed. So that’s how fireworks came into existence.( No it was not the Chinese for Godsake!!!Please stop saying Chinese for everything) All this happened one day before Rama got to Ayodhya. So we celebrate it one day before the North Indians.

Also apparently the Tamilians don’t eat meat on the New Moon Day. So that’s when a conspiracy was hatched to celebrate Diwali one day ahead of the real festival.

If you have any Diwali stories. Please leave a comment I sure love listening to them and blogging about them.

Have you heard of Vishwa? If not please Read ahead…If you have and chances are you have. Still go ahead and read on.

There was a discusson during the Chennai Photowalk. Everyone wanted to know who Vishwa is? Well this Video is of Sathya with his Vishwa. Yes the peacock feathers represent Vishwa (Read about Vishwa Here.Coming up next : Dilip’s Version of Vishwa). Strange that Sathya would hold body parts of a peacock and pose for photos.Something he normally wouldn’t do…

He is a narcissist though, so the poem goes

A Peacock

Is Holding Peacocks’ feathers

Adadey!!!

All said in Code language. He is a Master Cipher and talks a lot in code language.So decipher what he was trying to say.If you know the message please feel free to leave a comment and I would take you out for Dinner if your answer is right. The catch is Sathya will be the judge. Good Luck!!!Cheers!!!

Photo Courtesy: Amirtha

You could also call this Part 2 of Girls Colleges are dumb. Well you can call this what you want I really would be happy if you came up with an alternate title for this post.

I was surfing You Tube this morning and I normally look for Stand up Comedy shows. So I was watching this clip of Carlos Menci…

Funny guy, he says what he says with a lot of courage and gets people to laugh. But I don’t know if he has feminists wanting to murder him. I would love to see if I can get away with this.

Anyways basically girls/women are complicated. Read Narain’s experience with a 7 year old called Yasmin. Poor fellow freaked out with the things she said. I really doubt if a boy would have said the things Yasmin said.

Just like Carlos says women have too many things on their mind. Sometimes it is very nice. But most times it gets on my nerves to know that they are thinking of something/someone else when they are talking to me.

So coming back to the college culturals… Did I mention that I was not allowed to go out for lunch and worse still was they did not have a Restroom for guys.( Restroom is such a stupid word, whoever coined that must have slept while taking a poop or maybe while standing at the urinal to take a leak) I was offered by a girl that she would stand guard while I took a nice grand leak in the ladies room. (Ofcourse I refused.) What’s worse I was complaining to a few lady professors about how we were not being allowed to go out for lunch or any break for the matter of fact and this lady professor looks at me and says “Oh, they probably think that you are a college student” I was like “What, are you kidding? this must be some kind of joke” The professor just left with a grin whose meaning I am still deciphering.

All said and done, My friend Amirtha was not let into the college. Fishing Embarassing. But Narain who also happens to be her friend somehow managed to get her in. The question I had and still have is “Why won’t they let a girl into a girls college?” Men please dont attempt answers to these questions because we are not meant to answer them. Women please do leave your answers.Men please ask more questions.

Cheers!!! People. I have so many Girls College Stories. Someone of them give me nightmares. (Just kidding about the nightmares.)

Life is full of bullshit but sometimes when you hear weird things like “My partner (in life) believes in numerology and so I avoid the number 8″ now that’s taking it too far. Our society has evolved and hopefully will keep evolving but one thing that has not changed even among the educated is the “Art of Controlling”. Now that’s a fine art to master. But again you don’t want to be control freaks.

Anyways about the Saturday God, he is the son of the Sun God and Chayadevi (Shadow Goddess) Now Chaya Devi is actually the Shadow of Suryans Wife, Samjana Devi. Yeah kind of confusing right. Click here and read the story in detail.
There are a lot of stories related to the Saturday God. What he can do? All the troubles he can give etx etc. But there is this girl I know, Sita is her name and Saniyane her favourite word. So I called her up on a SATURDAY and this is the Conversation we had…

Aravind : Hey Saniyane Sorry Sita.

Sita : Enna da Nakala????(What making fun of me HUH?)

Aravind : No you keep using it and I am kind of hooked on to it now. Dhandam. Shit Sorry again…

Sita : Oh Ok. So now I am to be blamed. Anyways why did you call me up? (Girls get straight to the Point don’t they)

Aravind : Oh just to tell you that.

Sita : Tell me what?

Aravind : That you are the cause for me using the word Saniyane.

Sita : Oh really, Are you drunk or something?

Aravind : Oops… Sorry… (And I hung up.)

Anyways just to let you all know. I don’t drink and drive, Drink and Talk Oh!!! I actually dont even drink. My vices are in a direction that you can’t imagine. Don’t worry as long as your friends with me you will never get to find out.

But it is true that 7.5 is what is equated to Saneeswaran I guess some mathematician numerologist dude decided to approximate 7.5 to 8 and make 8 the Saturday Gods number. I think they should make 7 the unlucky number. Afterall Saturday is the 7th day. Now it is also a known thing that Chevvai (Tuesday) is also an unlucky day. If we take 7.5 and add the digits 7+5=12 => 1+2=3 and Tuesday is the third day of the week. So thats where this is going. So if two days in a week are unlucky we have 104 unlucky days in a year. Now multiply that with 50 million people(Let’s say half the Indian people don’t believe in this Nonsense)
Well so we have 50million x 104 man days when people think that it is an unlucky day. What will these people do on these days. Nothing new will be undertaken. Whattay waste of Time?

Anyhow we will soon be a Vallarasu Naadu (prosperous Country). Because we still have Information Technology. And we perform pooja for the computers. Right said… Computers are our Gods now.

Sanee Maharaj Ki Jai!!! (Long Live the Saturday

King)

Last night after covering two music concerts for Rockand Raga , (one at the Unwind Center in Adyar and a Jazz concert at the Gandhi Nagar Club) on my way back Sathya and me decided to take the bus back home. So waited for a while to catch 29C in Adyar.(This is one of the oldest and probably the longest route in Chennai. Starts from Beasant Nagar and ends at Aynavaram.)

So in the meanwhile we entertained ourselves by stopping autorickshaws and asking them how much they’ll charge for a trip to Kilpauk. They quoted anywhere in the range of 180-200Rupees. And when I refused to go for the ride they wanted to take me for. They would ask me to quote my price. and I’d quote in the range of 50-70 Rupees. Yeah it is a game I often play with auto fellows and I love seeing that pissed off look on their face.

So finally the bus got there and I had to stop playing games with the Autorickshaw guys and got in with Sathyanarain( Yeah the same guy who has decided to moderate the comments on his blogpost) and while there were hardly any women and the entire bus was filled with men. Narain and I were totally tired and there was this lady occupying a seat. The seat next to her was empty and there were so many men standing. I asked Narain to occupy that seat and he was like “Don’t know how she will react?”

Yeah and I have seen women give all kinds of reaction. Most of them get aggressive and ask the men folk to move away from what is rightfully theirs. I have seen some of them shove school children out of the ladies seat. But let me tell you my story.

I was sitting in a bus in the last row because other places were filled with people. (Last row is for ladies in most buses in Chennai) I was the only one in the last row no one else. At one of the stops a lady climbs in and comes to where I am sitting.

Lady: Please get up I want to sit here.

Me : Well, the entire row is empty and you can sit anyplace.

Lady : No I wanna sit here.

Me Ok if you want to. ( So I move to another place in the same row)

Lady : No this is a Ladies only seat so please get up. Men should not sit here.

Me : Oh alright. Fair enough. Thanks for telling me. I am really dumb you know

(I was really angry by now. I still got up not wanting to fight with the lady and was moving away)

Lady (In a loud Voice) : Men are such Bastards.

Me turns around walks upto her gets really up and close and demanded an apology. While she refused to apologize, I gave her what she did not expect, a toffee. She was completely embarrassed and got down at the next bus stop. Infact everyone was shocked. They expected something serious to happen. But I just wanted the world to know that women can behave like that too. She took the heat, not me. I hope and wish and pray that such abusive women are shown the right path.

What would you have done in a situation like this men and women?Please leave your comments.